how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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