I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
