I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
