super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
