I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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