Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
