I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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