He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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