I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
