Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
