And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
