I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
