Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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