Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
