I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My feet surprised me
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
