a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
