I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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