if only i could text you this smell
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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