So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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