just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
