you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm getting married
To pizza
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
