Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
