my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
