I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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