All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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