i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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