The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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