gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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