a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
