i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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