That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
3 2 1 whiskey
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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