He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
