He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
