why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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