go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
