I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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