If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
