i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
