Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
