Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
