yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
