dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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