So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
