I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
