Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
