Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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