When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
