Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Did I show you my penis last night?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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