I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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