1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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